Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael +++Not Dead

The Twixter
Staff Writer

Contrary to reports of Michael Jackson’s death, he is alive and well and living in the Potala Palace in Lhasa.

“The rumors started a couple of days ago based on a photo taken of me while meditating,” Jackson said.

The King of Pop claims he can now stop his heart for up to 3 weeks at a time since moving to a “higher plane” of existence.

“My friend and direct pipeline to the almighty, the Grand Llama of Lima, helped me to obtain this state of oneness with the Universe," said Jackson.

Some have apparently confused his rather pale complexion and lack of breathing and heartbeat with death. Ignoring the “Please don’t bury me” sign hung around his somewhat stiffened body, some western medical doctors, unfamiliar with the gloved Buddavista’s ability to exist in a transcendental state (that means without teeth or a car) with what us regular sorts call death.

“No way”, said His Fuzziness the Dalai Lama who has let Michael move in to one of the wings of his palatial pad. “This dude’s not dead, you should see him partying with those 9 year old novice monks. This guy kicks. Sometimes he holds the novices so close and smells their feet, you can tell he really likes them.” ,said the Poohbah.

So this reporters advice is don’t believe everything you hear. Like Apollo going to the moon or Sadam Hussein really living in Brazil, some of these rumors are just not true. Long live the King ! Long may he fornicate with youngsters !!